Or would it be “freakin’ thru”?  I’m not sure, and I’m not hip enough to make that call.  Spell it however you’d like, just make sure you learn the ways of the almighty freakthrough.

Freaking through is an extraordinarily simple technique one may use to create a path through a crowd of people.  Simple?  Indeed.  And nearly magical, though it should be used judiciously and only in the proper settings.

I was introduced to the beauty that is “Freaking through” at the Jon Stewart “Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear” in 2010.  We got there later than we’d wanted to and found ourselves way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back at the end of the park.

Unacceptable.

So Jason, one of our erstwhile group, said, “We should freak through.”  It’s what Todd, another friend, would do if he were here, Jason said.  Todd came up with the idea for it at some event and quickly discovered he could always get to where he wants to go with a good freak through.  Hmmmm…so…guaranteed to get closer, stupidly entertaining/endearing name, and a bit of an homage for a good friend at the end of the day?  Yes, yes,  and yes.

The concept is simple enough.  When stuck in a crowd that you want to move your way through–you want another beer, you have to answer the call of nature, you want to get closer to a stage and “excuse me” isn’t working–shout out that you’re “freaking through” and then?  Flail your butt and elbows back and forth, as though one might be doing the freak, only with an uncomfortable amount of people around you.  Behold!  You’ll feel like Moses parting the Red Sea as the crowd parts before you, allowing access in ways you’d never before imagined possible.  And why is that?

Because the freak is a filthy, naughty dance.  It takes the unsuspecting unawares.

Thanks to skillful application of the freakthrough, we were able to cut through the crowd at the Rally like buttah, for at least another half-mile or so.

Not all images are to scale.  Actually, I’d daresay most if not all are woefully not to scale, but nevertheless you’ll get the idea.  Here we are at the Jon Stewart rally.

It’s best if you reserve your freaking through for more casual events, like at the rally, or in a crowded bar…

…or a Fear Factory concert.

One ought to maintain some kind of decorum, of course.  Freakthroughs are not to be used during the following:

At wedding ceremonies (though at a reception, go for it)

On line to see Lenin’s tomb

Or on your way through security at the airport

Though mad, MAD props go out to the stealthy freaker who had major game at an airport X-ray machine.

That’s about all there is to it.  It’s simple, it’s easy, and if you really don’t get what you’re supposed to do, here’s a little animation that should clear it all up for you.

You can freak through at whatever rate of speed you deem necessary.  I kept this slow so you, the viewer, wouldn’t worry about missing a thing in your freak through tutorial.

And that?  Is IT.  I hope you all dig the pageantry that is freaking through, and try it at your next highschool reunion or summer megaconcert tour.  You won’t regret it!

All cartoonish buffoonery, goofy photoshoppery and rudimentary animation done by me, and all uncredited photos were taken by me.  Don’t hate me for my mad skills.