Freaking Through

Or would it be “freakin’ thru”?  I’m not sure, and I’m not hip enough to make that call.  Spell it however you’d like, just make sure you learn the ways of the almighty freakthrough.

Freaking through is an extraordinarily simple technique one may use to create a path through a crowd of people.  Simple?  Indeed.  And nearly magical, though it should be used judiciously and only in the proper settings.

I was introduced to the beauty that is “Freaking through” at the Jon Stewart “Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear” in 2010.  We got there later than we’d wanted to and found ourselves way, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back at the end of the park.

Unacceptable.

So Jason, one of our erstwhile group, said, “We should freak through.”  It’s what Todd, another friend, would do if he were here, Jason said.  Todd came up with the idea for it at some event and quickly discovered he could always get to where he wants to go with a good freak through.  Hmmmm…so…guaranteed to get closer, stupidly entertaining/endearing name, and a bit of an homage for a good friend at the end of the day?  Yes, yes,  and yes.

Arthur Murray would be so proud of my diagram.

The concept is simple enough.  When stuck in a crowd that you want to move your way through–you want another beer, you have to answer the call of nature, you want to get closer to a stage and “excuse me” isn’t working–shout out that you’re “freaking through” and then?  Flail your butt and elbows back and forth, as though one might be doing the freak, only with an uncomfortable amount of people around you.  Behold!  You’ll feel like Moses parting the Red Sea as the crowd parts before you, allowing access in ways you’d never before imagined possible.  And why is that?

Because the freak is a filthy, naughty dance.  It takes the unsuspecting unawares.

Thanks to skillful application of the freakthrough, we were able to cut through the crowd at the Rally like buttah, for at least another half-mile or so.

Not all images are to scale.  Actually, I’d daresay most if not all are woefully not to scale, but nevertheless you’ll get the idea.  Here we are at the Jon Stewart rally.

Off we went towards the front of the stage.

It’s best if you reserve your freaking through for more casual events, like at the rally, or in a crowded bar…

No more “Pardon me, ‘scuse me”. Now it’s just, “Freaking through!” Like they do in golf, only…freakier.

…or a Fear Factory concert.

Freaking through, Burt.

One ought to maintain some kind of decorum, of course.  Freakthroughs are not to be used during the following:

At wedding ceremonies (though at a reception, go for it)

Even whispering to the bride that she looks lovely won’t cover this faux pas.
Unadulterated photo from mtv.com

On line to see Lenin’s tomb

Don’t mess with the Comrade.
Photo adapted from englishrussia.com

Or on your way through security at the airport

Haha funny thought, but no. Not if you ever want to get to your intended destination.
Photo adapted from blog.silive.com

Though mad, MAD props go out to the stealthy freaker who had major game at an airport X-ray machine.

You freak right on through and enjoy your flight, miss.
Photo not amended at all, from thesmokingtire.com

That’s about all there is to it.  It’s simple, it’s easy, and if you really don’t get what you’re supposed to do, here’s a little animation that should clear it all up for you.

You can freak through at whatever rate of speed you deem necessary.  I kept this slow so you, the viewer, wouldn’t worry about missing a thing in your freak through tutorial.

And that?  Is IT.  I hope you all dig the pageantry that is freaking through, and try it at your next highschool reunion or summer megaconcert tour.  You won’t regret it!

All cartoonish buffoonery, goofy photoshoppery and rudimentary animation done by me, and all uncredited photos were taken by me.  Don’t hate me for my mad skills.

15 responses to Freaking Through

  1. Garzilla

    The “Freakin’ Thru” bears an uncanny resemblance to “The Meatstick Dance”. Must be the stick figure diagram.

  2. I could see a conga line Freaking Through breaking out, depending on the level of inebriation of the crowd…and the soundtrack in my mind is Lionel Ritchie’s “All Night Long” ;-)

  3. Ok. … .. .. (enough dots for a pause)… .. I’ve been freaking through all my life but apparently my freak through is not as cool enough because it gets me nothing but mockery… why??? I don’t know.. I’m going to elude to your post in my next blog though.. please explain to me why my freak through is not working..

    http://rfljenksy.wordpress.com/2012/08/10/freakn-thru/

    P.s. I totally love this blog…

  4. beyondpaisley – Author

    Oh, I don’t know. You said you’ve got a good job, you get to travel, eat well, sleep well. I think your freak is working for you.

  5. […] With no internet for a day and not getting back from the airport until about 3 am.  I am very low in motivation to go to work.  Actually getting out of bed was a struggle. My inclination is to complain or call in sick.. I did in fact just write an inspirational blog about playing hookie.. but you see I don’t like being by myself when I’m cranky and tired.  I don’t like staying home if I’m sick.  Hookie is meant for special days.  Days of fun. This is not one of them so far. I have to options.  Complain and make my day ridiculous and probably ruin someone else’s day or just get through the day. Sometimes the only personal inspiration out there is “suck it up and freak through”.  I’m sure you all remember that post – Freakn through is just pushing it to get from one place to another.  I used to just call it pushing through until I read Beyond Paisley’s post explaining “Freaking Through”. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s