Tag Archives: Moments of self-reflection

Travel Theme: Peaceful

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Ailsa’s travel theme this week at Where’s My Backpack? is: peaceful!  While there are many out there who think I wouldn’t have an idea of what that meant…that I am a rageitarian and my anger sustains me…the fact is, I like a good, Zen, groovy moment as much as anybody.  I’m just spiky on the outside.  Inside, I am constantly trying to groom my cosmic bonsai.

Oh, come on, admit it.  ”Cosmic Bonsai” is a great name for an art rock jam band.

Anyway, “peaceful”.  Here we go!

This first picture was taken this past December in Baltimore, while walking around looking at the zazz-dazzling Christmas lights in Hampden.  Up on the main drag the street was teeming with people and lights and street vendors and…lights…and people and noise and cars and more people.  Which was great and festive and fun but also an incredibly high-performing way to spend an evening.  Just a few blocks over?  Silence.

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Crowds, schmowds. Just breathe.

The next picture is taken from my back yard.  We have a farmlet just behind us and right past that?  A creek.  Flat land + water are conducive to good fog, and I was incredibly grateful to walk out on my back porch at exactly the right moment.  I literally ran into my house, terrifying the cat in the process, lunged for my camera and ran back outside.  Because this.

No, that's not mountains in the background. It's just trees and fog.

No, that’s not mountains in the background. It’s just trees and clouds and fog.

The next photo was taken in Waltham, Massachusetts, in February 2013.  I’m not sure why, but I’m always incredibly put at ease by the image of aqua-friendly birds just hanging out on the ice.  The ice isn’t going anywhere, and if it does they can swim.  The birds don’t look frantic.  Nobody’s boating or swimming and the ice is too thin for skating, so they have this spot all to themselves.  Good for them!  Enjoy your day, geese!

Geese, doing they thing.

Geese, doing they thing.

We spent a week at Keuka Lake a few years ago.  I’ve written about it before; it was most wet and foggy, and we stayed indoors for much of the trip.  Which was fine, because what I really needed for that vacation was total downtime.  So here is a picture of George, sitting in the bedroom, looking out onto the lake, as the sun set through the fog and the light turned deep blue.  Just looking at this photo makes me breathe a little easier.

George playing the day's closing theme music.

George playing the day’s closing theme music.

And finally!  I snapped this picture of a massive soybean field a few miles away from me, this past fall.  I thought it was pristine and vast and beautiful; it made me want to run through the field and collapse in the middle like the lady in that Andrew Wyeth painting, only without the polio-blasted paralyzed limbs (seriously, it’s kind of a magnificent piece of dark artistic commentary, just take two minutes and read about the painting).

Welcome to central Pennsylvania.

Welcome to central Pennsylvania.

That’s just about it for me.  Head on over to Ailsa’s page and see how other people have contributed to this week’s travel theme.  And let Otis Redding sing you a song on your way out.

~XOT

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The Abercrombie & Fitch Guy

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In case you haven’t heard because you have no TV, or no newsfeed to your smartphones, or you only ever log in to the interwebs in order to read my blog (thank you for that, BTW), Mike Jeffries, the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, is an asshole.

He’s apparently a really difficult diva-asshole, too, with a rigidly proscribed concept of beauty.  He requires his employees to be amongst The Beautiful People, and only ever markets his line or sells to The Beautiful People.  He admits his clothing line is exclusionary and he won’t stock women’s clothes in sizes larger than L/10.  And people are now in a fine lather about this, going so far as to start a change.org petition that reads:

Mr. Jeffries owes young people an apology, because contrary to what he may believe, whether you can fit into Abercrombie or not, you are beautiful. It’s time Abercrombie & Fitch to embrace that beauty! Please join me in this fight by adding your name to this petition and asking Abercrombie and Fitch to embrace the beauty in all sizes by offering XL and XXL sizes for women and men!

In other words, they’re trying to demand that he not be an asshole.

But he is.

And he’s been one for 67 years.

I don’t think change.org is going to stop that.

As someone who has struggled with body and image issues (because really, who hasn’t?) during the course of my life, I get that what he said is inherently offensive, and not just to the person who might be larger than an L/10.  It should be offensive to anyone who loves someone whose body falls into such an excluded zone, someone with empathy who hates to see another person made to senselessly feel negative about him or herself, or someone who hates that dicks like him make $47 million a year while hanging out in the Mean Boys Club.

I get that what he said is hurtful, especially to the insecure, body-conscious teenager/young adult who might not have much of a sense of self-esteem and is just trying to fit in to the predatory world that is high school.  And college, that can be tough too.

I get that there’s this really fucked-up value system that he’s promoting.  Proudly, happily.  Where the label on the back of your jeans helps legitimize your worth as a person.  Though to be fair, he’s only capitalizing on this system.  He didn’t invent it.

I wish I could feel more shock and horror over this, but I don’t.  I feel like I’ve always known this about this store.  I mean, the Salon article that he’s originally quoted in is from way back in 2006, so I don’t know what thrust it into the limelight now.  But even without the article, their stores emanate waves of exclusion.  Just like every other store that’s a self-designated status symbol.  Try walking around a Gucci store when you look like a working class kid from New Jersey; my bet is security will follow you around until you walk out the door.  (Trust me on this one.)  So again, what he’s saying or doing isn’t new.

Do I hate what he said?  Yes.  But I almost want to thank him for being honest.  At least you know who and what you’re dealing with.

Do I think a petition and self-righteous public outrage are going to change anything?  No.

The only thing that will change things is if people DON’T FUCKING SHOP THERE.

If you’re one of the anointed and can shop in A&F, but you have a friend or loved one who can’t, then stand in solidarity.  Feel free to send that card or email to their corporate offices to let them know why you’ll never shop there again.  But the important thing to do is vote with your wallet, not pointlessly froth about your outrage.  That’s sound and fury signifying nothing.  Do you think he’ll care if people complain on the internet about how he’s mean and hurt their feelings?  Not even a little.  But if sales drop and there’s evidence that he’s the reason?

That’ll get some attention.

If you decide that the logo on your shirt is more important than your BFF/sister/brother/neighbor/kid, then Mike Jeffries isn’t the problem, it’s you, and you need to figure out why you’re such a pretentious status whore.

Understanding that could do you a world of good, really.  And it would be good for the world.

So if you’re serious about putting the hate on A&F, then hit them in their accounting books.  Direct your money elsewhere.  There are plenty of other places that will happily sell you free-spirited, spending-the-day-on-a-boat-with-my-besties clothing.  To someone like Mike Jeffries, the only voices that matter are the ones coming out of your credit cards. Silence those voices, and then let’s see what happens.

HBO’s “Phil Spector” Movie: Fail

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By now (I admittedly assume), many of you have at the very least heard that HBO has made a movie called Phil Spector.  If you’ve been reading my blog at all you’ll also know that I was at some point legitimately interested in this movie, until they bewigged Al Pacino (who plays Phil Spector) so profoundly that he ended up bearing a striking resemblance to Bea Arthur.

And then came Phi-i-il!

It was on.  I watched it.  And it?  Was. Terrible. Though it was terrible in a weird way.

I mean, the acting is actually quite good.  Jeffrey Tambor, as always, turns in a solid supporting performance.  Helen Mirren is hard to not admire and Pacino has “googley-eyed, crazed, self-absorbed and possibly violent narcissist” down cold, though I’ve never quite forgiven him for casting Winona Ryder as Lady Anne in Looking for Richard.  But I digress.  So no, it’s not the acting. It’s everything else.

David Mamet produced, wrote, and directed this movie.  I kind of have a love/hate relationship with David Mamet.  On the one hand, he and I are worlds apart in our personal philosophy and politics, and I’m fairly sure that if I were to spend any time with him I’d end up wanting to staple things to his face.  On the other hand, his films include The Untouchables and Glengarry Glen Ross, both of which I will be grateful for forever.  I’m not completely dead-set against his filmmaking, as a rule, though to be fair the movies he’s done that I like are 20+ years old.

But.

Phil Spector has its own agenda.  According to the production team (including, of course, Mamet), it is an allegory, which means it’s “…a device in which characters or events in a literary, visual, or musical art form represent or symbolize ideas and concepts.”  Allegory is a powerful tool that has generated significant social commentary.  Pink Floyd’s The Wall is an allegory.  So is The Matrix, and Animal Farm, and The Planet of the Apes, and The Lord of the Flies.  To name but a few.  There is, however, a common thread that runs through all these stories: they’re made up.  We haven’t REALLY landed on an ape planet, there isn’t REALLY a musician named Pink telling us that we don’t need no education, and we aren’t REALLY batteries inside a giant computer program (that we know of).

Allegories can, of course, have a factual basis or inspiration; Animal Farm, for example, was an allegory about the rise of Stalinism. But it’s not set in the Kremlin, featuring people instead of animals, with a mustachioed tyrant named Joseph in charge. p.s. That’s why, as an allegory, it works.

In an attempt to prove the movie Phil Spector is an existential allegory, HBO has included a disclaimer at the beginning of the movie that reads (verbatim):

This is a work of fiction. It’s not “based on a true story.” It is a drama inspired by actual persons in a trial, but it is neither an attempt to depict the actual persons, nor to comment upon the trial or its outcome.

They could have put the same kind of disclaimer at the beginning of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter with equal validity. Look!

This is a work of fiction. It’s not “based on a true story”. It is a drama inspired by an actual person who occupied the American presidency, but it is neither an attempt to depict the actual persons, nor to comment upon the events of that person’s early life or his path to the presidency.

And that’s what pisses me off.  David Mamet, I’ll say it here.  You, sir, are a dirty, dirty liar.

It’s not based on a true story except that its storytelling employs:

  • Actual people (Phil Spector, lawyer Linda Kenney Baden, dead person Lana Clarkson)
  • An actual event (the murder of Lana Clarkson and subsequent trial of Phil Spector)
  • Actual witness testimony (i.e., the experts called in to testify, showing taped testimony from ex-wife Ronnie Spector as she recounted his history of violence with her)
  • Actual evidence that supported Spector’s claim (the lack of blood spatter on his coat)
  • Actual evidence the defense disputed (i.e., the chauffeur’s testimony, disputed because “he doesn’t understand English”)

And so on.  It’s not “based on a true story” except when it is.

So there we are, watching a movie about a guy that we know exists concerning an event that we know happened.  And the sets and costuming look right and the evidence is confusing and trying to get past Phil Spector’s (sorry, I mean Al Pacino’s, since this isn’t a movie about Phil Spector, amirite?) massive array of wigs is exhausting…  David Mamet is a smart guy.  If, and I mean only if, Mamet & Co. had written the same movie, with the same characters and the same script, and called it Schnil Schnector, then I wouldn’t care about it even a little.  I mean, there’s a perfectly fine, allegorical film about the perils of rock-stardom called The Rose that everyone knows is actually mostly about Janis Joplin but isn’t because the writers didn’t use that name.  But calling the movie something else wouldn’t allow him (or HBO) to capitalize on the public interest in a lurid trial.  Thus, he calls it Phil Spector and incorporates real evidence and creates the illusion of reality, while his bullshit disclaimer asks us all to ignore the man behind the curtain. It’s disingenuous (to put it kindly) for him to suggest that people wouldn’t see his movie as a biopic/docudrama.

The woman–the dead person–whose brains ended up on Phil Spector’s floor (for real) is barely a factor in this movie, and only then as a suicidally depressed failed actress with a streak of kink (they suggest she wanted the gun for foreplay).  They don’t mention that her blood was found on the staircase (don’t think she was doing much walking after the bullet severed her spine) or that it looked like Spector made a drunken attempt to clean up evidence (there was a diaper used to mop up her blood in the garbage can of a nearby bathroom) or that the gun that killed her was found in her left hand, even though she was a righty.  They don’t mention that she had her purse on her shoulder, which sounds less like “I’m going to kill myself” and more like, “I’m outta here!” Surely if I can access this sort of information from a cursory cruise through the internet, David Mamet’s research team could, as well.

One reviewer said this “allegory” was written to tell the story of the idealized, rational American (personified in the movie by lawyer Linda Kenney Baden) who takes the time to review evidence before making a decision.  I wonder if that reviewer will ever appreciate the irony that–even allegorically–there is no rational decision making when you’ve only got half the evidence, which is at most all this movie presents.  Their claim, using the Spector case as a basis, is that successful men are all targets for haters who want The Patriarchy taken down.  If what the Idiot Left wants to do is take down successful men, then why (God in Heaven, why?) is Donald Trump still freely roaming the world, generating money at will?

It’s not that I object to someone having a different opinion than I do.  I acknowledge that my opinion about Phil Spector’s guilt or innocence is based on what I kind-of know about this case + his alleged reputation for abuse.  I don’t know what I would have thought if I sat on his jury.  But twelve people who were presented with the entirety of the evidence found him guilty. Twisting Phil Spector’s already twisted, tragic story so that it is beholden to Mamet’s personal agenda is evidence only of Mamet’s self-aggrandizing stance as a beleaguered “Successful Man” still nursing a grudge from the flack he caught over Oleanna. Phil Spector, the real person, whose contributions to the world of rock & roll were groundbreaking, deserves more than to be a pawn for David Mamet’s personal crusades. Lana Clarkson, the dead woman at the center of this all, also did not die so she could be Mamet’s whipping post. What David Mamet does in Phil Spector is a disservice to the public discourse, to all the people whose lives have been directly impacted by this case, and the concept of “allegory”.  What I object to, in this movie, is Mamet’s shitty storytelling.

Meanwhile, at the Restaurant: Easter Edition

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About a thousand years ago, I worked in a very small coffee shop in a very small town.  Every week, at least once a week, a quartet of ladies would come in after spending the morning together at the gym.  All but one had those stylie (she said facetiously) nylon track suits and all would be suspiciously un-gnarly after what they claimed was a “killer” workout.

When I’m done with a killer workout?  I’m not pretty enough to go anywhere, particularly not in the gym clothes I’ve just released five gallons of sweat into.  Funktastic?  Nope.  Just funk.

Anyway.  These ladies would come in and absolutely swoon over the dessert case, and then *tee hee* behind their hands about whether or not they should get cake (and they always did) and how “bad” that made them.  For these ladies, I always felt like they did think it was a breach of moral conscience to have some goddamned cake if they wanted it.  But who was I to judge?

Oh, right.  I was the surly employee.  That’s what we do.  Plus, I could go on about how deciding to have a piece of cake or not does not in any way indicate an assault on your own morality or standing as a member of the community, but that’s a different rant for a different day.

I don’t think the following incident took place on Good Friday but I know it happened during Easter week.  And quite frankly, it taught me the meaning of self-sacrifice and self-reflection in ways I’d never contemplated before.  Just bear in mind…I’m not saying they’re good ways.

Meanwhile, at the Restaurant: Easter Edition

I feel the presence of the divine already.

I feel the presence of the divine already.

I just report what I see, people.

Peace out, y’all!

How to Stay Motivated During a Workout

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This pretty faithfully retraces my thought process during a particularly difficult workout.  Or maybe I was just kind of whupped and didn’t want to do it, I don’t know.  Works particularly well for Zumba.  And don’t think I didn’t put this to use this very morning in BodyPump.

Thanks, three-year-old!

Clearly, the mentality of a three-year-old appeals to me.

Funny, where inspiration comes from sometimes.

Have a great workout!  No tired.

Travel Theme: International Women’s Day

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Ailsa’s travel theme this week at Where’s My Backpack? focuses on International Women’s Day.  Awesome.

When I finally decided to get my butt back into school, I had the very good fortune to go to Wellesley College.  Yes, it’s a women’s college.  Wellesley is academically top-notch, I got to study a subject that I loved, it opened up whole new fields of interests for me that I didn’t know I had until I got there, and I was surrounded by amazingly intelligent, funny, interesting women of all ages and backgrounds and orientations and histories, who never seem to want to stop learning and growing.

The school is still a source of mental strength for me.  I go back and visit when I can; it’s an astonishingly beautiful campus.  And the lessons I learned while I was there are with me to this day.  Going there wasn’t “easy” in the traditional sense of the word–I lost a ton of sleep to late-night cram sessions and smoked five times as many cigarettes as I should have–but it was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

The Carillon.

The Carillon.

The academic quad.

The academic quad.

The library seen through the rhododendrons.

The library seen through the rhododendrons.

Down we go!

Down we go!

My old dorm! That porch was the setting for most of my late-night smoking.

My old dorm! That porch was the setting for most of my late-night smoking.

Me, rowing crew on Lake Waban.  (OK, so I didn't take this picture.)

Me, rowing crew on Lake Waban. (OK, so I didn’t take this picture.)

Reunion weekend!  So glad to be back around fierce women of all ages.

Reunion weekend! So glad to be back around fierce women of all ages.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Lost in the Details

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This week’s photo challenge asks its participants to dig in to the details of something you’ve photographed.  OK.  Well.

When I was in Baltimore this past December we walked around the neighborhoods looking at houses decorated with Christmas lights and illuminated statues.  We saw this one house with some Santa Claus yard ornaments, a snowman, and a Mrs. Claus.

Ho ho ho! Happy holidays! Peace on Earth, yata yata.

Ho ho ho! Happy holidays! Peace on Earth, yada yada.

Pretty tame, right?  I mean, it’s Christmas!  It’s the Claus family!  Right?  Only, I found something strangely compelling about Mrs. Claus’s face.

She just looks so...

She just looks so…

...I can't stop looking...

…I can’t stop looking…

...It's like I'm caught in her gravitational pull...

…It’s like I’m caught in her gravitational pull…

...or a tractor beam, can't break free...

…or a tractor beam, can’t break free.

OH DEAR GOD!!!

OH MY GOD! I CAN SEE FOREVER!!

I can see forever.

The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are, and the Old Ones shall be.
Photo from celestronimages.com

(With my humblest apologies to HP Lovecraft.)

Re-Branding “The Biggest Loser”

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Recently, I went to the gym and saw that two of my favorite classes were being held back to back.  I didn’t have anything pressing on my agenda and decided, why not?  I had a massive two-hour, almost non-stop (didn’t even have to move to a different room), ass-kicking, Body Pump -> Zumba workout.

Holy pockets.  I was drained.

When I got home I realized…hey…those people on The Biggest Loser, they do these massive two hour workouts.  Three times a day.  Six days a week.  And they’re doing it on ground turkey breast and salad.  While I do love that show, I confess I also had a few realizations:

1) No wonder they get so cranky and start sniping at each other.  That’s got to be unbelievably draining.  I know how I felt after just one, two-hour workout.  Exhaustion!  and…

2) Pretty sure that’s a house full of hungry people.

So in honor of this, I think we should re-brand The Biggest Loser, and call that show what it really is.  So here is the dramatic unveiling of the new logo (drumroll, please)…

TADA!

Oh,you know it's true.

Oh,you know it’s true.

Hey, folks.  I just calls ‘em as I sees ‘em.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Forward!

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Or, Ever Forward!  As my sister and I have been known to adopt as a motto.  Particularly while moving me to Pennsylvania from my former home in Texas.  But that’s not really important right now.

Anyway.  I dig things that make you think of movement, and progression, and the not necessarily negative inevitability of change.  It’s all about the liminality, man.  Because to move forward you have to engage in the journey to get there; it’s not just done by closing your eyes and having “forward” happen to you.

So.  This photo–probably more than any that I’ve taken recently–says “forward”.  There’s the curve of the tracks, and I always find myself sort of craning my neck to try and see what’s around the bend.  It’s a great unknown out there; do we stay where we are and not explore, or do we see what’s around that bend, and the next, and the next?  Plus, it’s taken at sunrise, so hooray to the dawning of a new day!

Onward!

Onward!

Ever forward, my friends.

Go check out the other photo challenge participants here.  Or bust out some pictures and join in the fun!

OMG The Pope Is Retiring!

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…and the first thing George wants to know is whether or not there are retirement benefits.  As though he’s going to throw his hat in the ring.  Though apparently he IS eligible for consideration, since you don’t have to be a Cardinal, just a Catholic.

Of course, he–he being George, not he being the current Pope–already has his theme song ready for his ascendency to St. Peter’s Chair.

Which, may I remind you, looks like this:

The main altar, St. Peter's Basilica, Vatican City.

The main altar, St. Peter’s Basilica, Vatican City.

Yeah.  That’s bronze, people.  A 60-foot tall, carved, 17th-century bronze canopy, over a giant block of Greek marble.  Can you believe the Pope is giving all this up?  To go where–a two-bedroom condo in Boca?  They haven’t had a Pope retire in 600 years; my guess is they don’t have a modern contingency plan.

Anyway.  Here is George’s theme song for when he becomes Il Papa.


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=865257&songID=7580023

Looking forward to some joyrides in the Popemobile!  Dominus vobiscum, spiritus sancti, y’all!

Looks like I'm going to have to give this an update.

Looks like I’m going to have to give this an update.