I went to the movies the other night and ended up getting to the theater a little earlier (OK, way earlier) than necessary. During the 45 minutes of pre-movie downtime, we wandered over to the adjacent mall to do a little window shopping and maybe get a snack. Instead…
Oh. Migawd. Why? Why? Why?
If you ever doubted there was a war on women, just go have a look at what they’re showing in the stores that offer moderate price points to the average woman. Unattractive. Poorly cut. Terrible material. Overpriced! I feel like these clothes are designed to make you feel as bad about yourself as possible while simultaneously creating an unappealing silhouette. It doesn’t help that the trimmers creating the wall and mannequin displays are clearly in need of more training, but there is only so much gilding the turd one can do.
All pictures were taken in the span of about forty minutes, in two different mall anchor stores, in the misses’ sportswear departments, in their on-season, non-clearance sections. You people are making this blog thing way too easy on me. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. Just stating a fact.
And so, with no further ado I give you…the Summer of Why.
Here’s a better idea: Just don’t wear this, because it opens so many pathways to wrong.
And in keeping in a similar vein…
But here’s another one.
There were an abundance of shirts that were universally unflattering.
True story: my boyfriend just turned to me and asked, “Wait…that ISN’T sleepwear?” Ladies, he thinks it would be OK for me to have a nightly drool in these shirts. Put the hanger down and back away.
I kept on encountering more and more bad patterns and design everywhere I turned.
For comparison, you can find a melting movie reel here.
This shirt is just unpleasant.
Ladies, don’t buy clothing that looks like facial hair.
The following shirt/sweater combo is a great example of why things don’t have to match but rather, they have to go.
How about you just feast your eyes on this little beauty?
Lord knows I am not a fan of tie-dye, but Jones New York should relinquish any claim they hold to tie-dyed fashions. Stop it. Right now.
Collars have become over-embellished to the point of ridiculousness.
Dresses and long skirt/shirt combos offer little in the way of put together, easy dressing.
Who is Maude, you say? Bea Arthur, TV show, mid-to-late ’70s. Look here and here for further information. I have vague memories of liking the show and can still sing snippets of the theme song, but was really struck by Maude’s sense of…style. This would have totally gone in her closet.
Maude certainly would have eschewed this little number, however…
Through all this, I kept coming across one particular design trend. The stores are currently flooded with ill-conceived southwestern-inspired prints; so much so that I fear it could drive a settler to jump from the nearest butte.
By now some of you are thinking, surely she just hates a southwestern print. I understand your skepticism, but it’s unfounded. Please see here for an item that is southwestern, well-shaped, vibrant, and adorable. Too bad I didn’t actually see it for myself in a store. Instead I saw…
Don’t buy something that’s drooping off the hanger, as the above shirt seems eager to do. For future reference: don’t confuse drape with droop. Drape is the arrangement of an article of clothing so that it hangs correctly off the body. Droop is what you get when the material is fatigued and and can’t retain its intended shape.
We co-opted the sacred symbols of the indigenous people of the American southwest for this? We should be ashamed.
Ladies, take back your rights, stand firm, and no matter what, don’t buy ugly clothes. Life is too short to wear scrublike blouses and drooping shirts and frumpy oatmeal cardigans! Go for the fabulous…in everything you do. You deserve it.