Normally, I don’t give a shit about celebrities behaving badly. I mean duh, of course they’re misbehaving in public. Of course Lindsay Lohan is violating parole and going to rehab and pick-a-celeb, you’ll find a bar fight and Charlie Sheen became a celebrity anti-hero after a tiger-blood-fueled, insane ragestravaganza (and subsequent publicity tour) and Led Zeppelin are still unfortunately noted for doing unspeakable things with a fish. And on, and on and on on on on.
Meh. Whatever. Celebrities.
But you know, sometimes? There are those celebriturds who go too far. For me, the line often gets drawn when there’s thoughtless aggression directed towards people who are just trying to do their jobs. People who don’t exist in the rarefied circle of celebrity entitlement, who don’t have handlers and fret about health insurance and worry how to put food on the table every day. People who may hate their jobs but show up because they don’t have the luxury to not get it done, whether “it” is taking care of their kids or making their rent or generating income while they write the Great American Novel in their spare time.
They’re people who deserve better than this.
That’s right. On leaving a nightclub and going out the back way through the kitchen, Justin Bieber thought it would be abso-fucking-lutely hilarious to piss into a mop bucket that’s supposed to be used to keep a restaurant clean and in compliance with health codes, while his professional ass-kissers cheer and his bodyguard (remember him? The guy who sat The Biebs back in his car like he was handling a 4-year-old?) benignly looks on. Video him peeing, even, with a phone. This of course begs the question: who’d he piss off enough that they released the video to TMZ?
See, here’s the thing: Someone’s got to clean that up. The Maple Christ may think his piss is suitable for mass consumption (just listen to his music; it’s not far off) and that wherever it may fall, unicorns will spring forth and fart rainbows. But to the kitchen staff making $7.25 an hour–the ones who have to empty the bucket and sterilize it before it can be used to clean, you know, a place that processes food, so they may be compliant with state and local health and sanitation standards–he’s just another rich doucheketeer looking for new lows to exploit in his pursuit of privilege. Go, Wild Kidz! The baddest gang to ever have a bodyguard to defend them!
Seriously, New York City, if you don’t at least issue a charge for misdemeanor public urination (because how much more public can it get than broadcast on TMZ?), you’re seriously dropping the ball, and that restaurant should consider pressing vandalism charges.
Though it will be interesting when the Bieber train wrecks, like most manufactured pop acts do. Just look at Brittney and her extraordinary meltdown in 2007. And Biebs is fifty times as arrogant as she was, so one can only hope that when he melts it will be fifty times as spectacular.
Maybe I should just sit back and enjoy the show, because it’s bound to happen and his behavior is increasingly erratic. This could be fun.
But first, asshole, the least you could do is apologize.
Canada, can you please come here and take him back?