Meanwhile, At The Restaurant: No, It’s To-Go

The other night, George and I were out at a local restaurant. A family of four came in; Mom, Dad, two little boys who, if I had to guess, were like 4 and 6. It was kind of late-ish for kids to be out eating (it had to be at least 8:00) so the boys were hungry and cranky. Dad was an impatient manly-man, so when the lone waiter working the entire front of the restaurant and seating new diners during this busy night didn’t attend to them in the first minute of them standing there, Dad took matters into his own hands. And sat his family down at the table next to us. Yay.

So they order, and the kids’ food comes out, and then Dad’s food comes out, but Mom’s is delayed because the kitchen was backed up. Ah, well, such is life, right? So the couple will talk and take care of the kids while they wait for Mom’s food, right? And if Dad were so hungry he had to eschew manners and eat immediately, then maybe he’d offer Mom a little bit from his plate so she could nibble too while waiting, right?  Yeah.  Only no.  Instead, Dad proceeded to pull out his goddamned phone and Facebook (or whatever) while he ate. Ignoring his entire family. Ignoring the wife who wasn’t eating yet. Leaving her to contend with two tired, squirrelly kids on her own. While he was sitting right there next to them all. And when her meal came…well, words fail. It looked a little something like this.

The only thing I've exaggerated here is the size of his brow.

The only thing I’ve exaggerated here is the size of his brow.

(Remember, WordPress screwed f*ed us with their photo editing changes, so there is no “open in new window” option.)


And for the record, when the one little boy knocked his water glass over and spilled most of it into his mother, guess who got up to help her clean up, get fresh napkins for the table, and alerted the waiter there was a spill?  Most people would think, oh, it was the other adult at the table, because that’s what responsible, thinking, caring adults in a relationship do for one another, right?

BZZT. Wrong. It was me. I helped her. I helped get her table cleaned. ME.

Sigh. I don’t even know what else to say about this except: If you’re this guy and you’re reading this, then understand that I only have the best of intentions when I tell you, you are a douchebag. Only because I hope you recognize it to be true, and want to change your douchebaggy ways. Your kids deserve a father who’s present and engaged, not some…douchebag, really, it’s the word that fits…who trawls his phone during dinner, exhibits no sign of joy or interest in his own family, who shows such…you know, it’s not even disrespect, it’s total douchey disregard, for his wife. I don’t know if getting your wife’s food to go shows you’re the control freak type of douchebag, or if you’re the sort of douchebag who is douchebaggy thanks to a wretched cavern in your soul filled with cluelessness but dude, when a stranger at the next table and the waiter have more concern for your wife’s well being than you do?

You’re doing it wrong.

19 responses to Meanwhile, At The Restaurant: No, It’s To-Go

  1. Sorry, forgot that part of my previous comment would be interpreted at HTML, and so disappear… That sentence should read “…inside the (left-bracket) a href=”…” (right-bracket) wrapper add target=”_blank”. You can also add a title, another option they’ve eliminated. So it will read <left-bracket) a href="…" title="…" target="_blank" (right-bracket).


  2. Unfortunately not an uncommon scenario. As you’ve said, so sad. When you said “guess who helped” I knew it was you.

    It’s beyond awful when, as a mom, you’re trying to be the engaged, responsive adult your children need, and at the same time lug that dead weight around. I know she appreciated your act of solidarity.

    Always love your illustrations!


    • beyondpaisley – Author

      Thanks for the comment about the illustrations! I have fun drawing them…even if I feel like I draw like a 6-year-old. LOL! But. This woman was so totally neglected, I felt so sorry for her trying to manage the kids, etc., and getting ZERO help from her d-bag. The spilled water thing was a line for me. Like…you’re not helping clean up? WHAT. WHAT. It’s OK, mister, I’m a total stranger who’s got no real emotional investment in your family, but I’VE GOT THIS.


      • Hey, speaking of your great illustrations (that is some kick-ass six year-old you draw like!), I feel like it’s been too long since we’ve heard from the Zamboni Lady! How’s she doing?


      • beyondpaisley – Author

        Oh. My. God. You’ve just made my day. My time got rearranged and I’ve had to cut back on blogging recently (as I’m sure you’ve seen) BUT! I’ve been planning a return of sorts and Zamboni Lady is included in that. THANK YOU!


  3. Thank goodness I am not married to someone like that. My hubby is the complete opposite. When our kids were that age we ate early, and we would share the food that arrived first.


    • beyondpaisley – Author

      The best plans go awry and sometimes kids eat later than they ought, so I can forgive the timing of their meal. What I can’t forgive is the husband’s behavior. He was so thoughtless. Selfish. Disconnected. And yes, George is the exact opposite of this guy, too. Yay us for making smart choices in partners!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s