Spam Haiku: Google, Spam, Bing

Mmmmm. Spam. Google SPAM. Delectable. Once again, I’ve received a spam that is far, far too amusing to throw into the electronic junk heap. Thank you, GODS OF SPAM! And I mean this in its many, varied ways. Mostly unretouched. All delicious.

Sooner or later,
Google will find all new spam
methods. These pre-com-

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 -puted numbers, hold
on in a very giant
information bank

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for millions of the
URLs on the net. But
We’re sad that it seems…
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…Memorial Day
wasn’t important enough
to Google. Hail Bing!

 (This Google/Bing feud is apparently real, people.)

Image from

Image from

Spam Haiku: Carp Bait

Once again, I have received a spam too delicious to not celebrate. This one, apparently, extols the virtues of carp bait. 

Carp bait.

Like I could leave that alone.

In order to preserve the syllabic pattern of a haiku, I inserted one word. Just one. Otherwise, it is untouched. Enjoy.

You will probably

recognise some or all of

these as some as used

i-have-too-much-stuffmore than others with

very great success in carp

baits. After users

carp baitchoose their avatar

they’re transported into their

apartment. But have

avatar apartment

you ever once thought

about living in your boat

full time. Esquimaux.

eskimo in a kayak

Photo credits:

Pile of stuff:

Carp bait:

 Avatar apartment:’s_apartment

Eskimo in a kayak:

Spam Haiku: Reverse Phone Lookup

Sometimes, I get spam that is too funny to relegate to the dustbins of history. This is one of those times. Here is a spam email I have recently received, turned haiku. Some words have been shortened to preserve the 17-syllable cadence but, for the most part, the text is entirely unchanged.


Reverse phone lookup

I must convey some many

thanks to you just for

reverse phone lookup

 rescuing me from

this type of issue. Looking

Right after through the


on the internet

entire world and conf’rence

ideas that have been


not successful, I

thought my lifestyle was long gone.

Becoming alive


with no the presence

of techniques or of to the

difficulties you


have sorted out by

the way of your principal

create-up is a

principal skinner


very critical

situation, and of the

variety which


might have terribly

ruined my occupation

if I’d not appear

bad reputation Germany

across your web site.

Your very abilities

And own kindness in


managing all the

issues was cherished. I’m not

positive what I


 would have carried out

if I’d not appear across

such a thing like this.

F-467 Poor planning on your part

 I can also this

minute relish my now fore-

seeable future.


 Many thanks for time

extremely consid’rably

for the impressive

business cat

 efficient support.

I will not be hesitant

to advise the web


site to anyone

who demands and wants tips on

reverse phone lookup

success baby

Image credits

Reverse phone lookup:

Cancel My Subscription:

World conference:

It’s alive:

Grammar time:

Principal Skinner:

Critical situation plan:

Bad reputation:

Kindness heart:

Positive thinking:

Poor planning:

Seeing the future:

Business cat:

No hesitation Superman:

Success baby:

Joan Jett Bad Reputation video:

Son of Epic Mega-Spamku

More spam that had its own peculiar cadence.  Illustrated, for your viewing pleasure.  And to add to the experience, check out the exotic stylings of Yma Sumac while reading Son of Epic Mega-Spamku.  Namaste, bitches!

Your myofasc’al

therapist is not foreplay.

Children with Autism


It has been practised

for over cinque jillion

working years. often

Dino Massage1

times in the Old Test-

-ament. India is seen

as carrying out,

indian takeout

you’ll believably

find someone who has worries

and tension caused due


to its left. This is

why those with a public health

programs. The combined

no grammar

exponent of this

certification, and meets

every Tuesday or


Wednesday for an hour.

Ketu deals with problems that

may be an update.



Physiotherapy, or

astral pathways, known


as yang hammock Spring.

Tantra roughly enhancing

your gruelling bosom


and them. Mandukya

Upanishad says: The more

than elbow grease than


friction your temples

to the Human face. I am

recommending it


as organism

myofasc’l regimen

Brit tantric massage


Photo credits:


Dinosaur massage:

Indian take-out:


Grammar: beyondpaisley

Calendar of Tuesdays: beyondpaisley


Astral pathways:

Yang-yang in his hammock:

The concept of Brahman:

Angkor Wat:

Tantric massage NSFW: beyondpaisley

Epic Mega-Spamku

I got the most deeeeeranged spam in my (thankfully, incredibly useful) spam folder yesterday.  As I was looking at it I realized it was a) completely unintelligible and b) read a little bit like an epic, vaguely cohesive haiku.  So here it is, only minutely modified for space and syllabic timing, arranged as epic poetry, with illustrations and some zen-groovy koto music to accompany you on this epic poetic journey (scroll to the bottom for music).

Chinese chili sauce

on type of basket, wicker

basket, straw basket,


champagne bucket, an-

tique trunk, hamper, Asian-style

trunk, picnic basket,

seas’nal container.

Aiming to please they offer

everything you need

 to shop pertaining

to wine are two possible

causes. The beauty

and allure of a

cheeseless ground beef lasagna

made with organic


grapes, Hungarian

 Sauvignon Blanc costs about

 two thirds as much. The

greatest most severe

types classified as cante

jondo or cante

grande plus came here

initially from inside

the past have largely

in truth disappeared.

As well as have various.

Eternity calls.

p.s.  To anyone concerned that I am freely juxtaposing Chinese and Japanese artistic works I say to you now: well, duh.  I’m not shooting for accuracy.  

Photo credits:

Basket of goods:

Baby in a basket:

San Francisco Chinatown:

Wine Spa:

Cheeseless Ground Beef Lasagna (yes, way!):

Hungarian Wine Regions Map:

Cante Grande flamenco dancer:

Snake eating itself:

Cherry blossoms:

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